Chained up

Picture a thick chain tightly braided around your entire body. It fills the creases and the gaps and then it stiffens allowing you just one inconsequential breath at a time. You gasp for air but your lungs are only able to hold enough air to give you the next second. It has become about staying alive, by fighting with your entirety, grappling with everything you have left to allow for the next moment. It’s about thinking ahead, but only for three seconds at a time. The cycle continues, breath by breath, second by second. This is how I would describe life.

 

When we are lucky, he allows us the smallest bit of freedom. The chains loosen, ever so slightly for an untold time. In the beginning, when this started happening, this became the highlight of life, causing great excitement. The feeling of almost escaping came with bliss, joy, and relief. But as they say “what goes up must eventually come down”. As I have grown to recognize the pattern, I have dreaded the limp chain. You see I personally prefer the consistency. The unknown frightens the life out of me. My heart literally aches while I wait for the bruises to return from the sudden jerk that the chain tightening results in. With that said, I always know what’s coming.

 

I recently read a quote that stuck out to me. In one sentence, I no longer felt alone. Even if only one person got me, I was no longer by myself. I will finish with the quote and maybe it will be able to resonate with you and you will know that you too are not alone.

 

“ Just because it is all in your head doesn’t make it any less real.”