Vay-Cay

The circle has rotated as a circle does, and the inevitable has happened once again. December has arrived. Cheese and Rice – has this year gone quickly or no?


The difference is, is that this December I am not flocking to Cape Town with the Vaalies. I am spreading my wings slightly wider and migrating to the Kong of Hong. Or whatever you want to call it. 
 

As luck would have it, well at least my luck, I fly to Bali for a week after Hong Kong. Exciting, yes? Now I must tell you all that the actual Queen of Mother Nature resides in Jungutan, Bali. Some call her a blessing and others a curse – I am yet to decide. You see, Bali is an island, home to Mount Agung. A beautiful and active volcano that hasn’t erupted in more than 50 years, well until now. She decided to erupt 2 weeks before my flight and then to top it off she thought she would show off and erupt again. Ha, what a brat!

Possessing the complete temperaments of a woman, we should be immensely frightened of her but this all seems a tad exciting to me –it’s possible that the adrenaline has come into play. There is, however, one tiny, little problem and that is that some airlines have band flights in and out of Bali and others have limited their flight schedules.

This may or may not affect my flight there, but I will only know once I am in Hong Kong. The adrenaline is real in this crib and I can tell you that the travel insurers must be pooping in their pants daily.

I plan to blog every few days while traveling and keeping ya’ll updated on some of the most fascinating and beautiful places on the planet. I repeat, I PLAN to write. But, only time will tell.

Until then, PLEASE be cautious, stay vigilant and be safe during the holidays. It is peak season and there are plenty chancers out there. Trust me, I am talking from experience.

Also, remember, don’t drink and drive! Wait, there is this app I would actually love you to try using called Cabbi  (a proudly South African version of Uber/Taxify). #supportlocal #Download Cabbi

Later Alligator x

Don’t say I never warned you.

Dear men,

Here is a short list of what to NEVER, EVER say to a woman. Or me.

Don’t say I never warned you!

  1. Is it that time of the month?           Excuse me??? Breathe Kimberley, Breath!
  2. You are still hungry?                      No, I full after eating my 3 FRIEKEN peanuts!
  3. You are not fat, you are broad.       Broad? Ha I will show you broad.
  4. Just calm down.                            I AM CALM!
  5. You are completely overreacting.    Don’t tell me I am overreacting. I am just FINE!
  6. It’s up to you.                               For once can you just be less indecisive? I don’t feel like thinking today.
  7. Woman don’t know how to drive.    Yes, because you driving 140km/p/h is completely safe.Any racist comments
  8. You are pretty strong for a girl.      I will not tolerate – ever!
  9. Johnny Drama back to visit?          He never left!
  10. Saying nothing at all.                    Unless you want me to go full pshyco!

 

You can thank me later

xoxo

Hash Tag

Social media has become an entity that has consumed us all #instadaily #likeforlike #OMG #hashtag

 

Whilst listening to my commercial garbage playing on the speaker and sitting on my couch with my #duckface – I write to all you digital slappers!

 

Did you know that you can Google “ how to get more followers” I mean SERIOUSLY??? Is that not literally begging for stalkers that you don’t even know? Ha! #YOLO – Or is this the end-goal in life nowadays? Mines bigger than yours (on social media of course)! Friends, I have more than 3000 people following me on Instagram. Isn’t that #Instacool? They like totally love me. #Winning #Onfleek

 

I keep getting distracted with the point of this post to you all, wait, I’ll BRB – Let me quickly take a #Selfie! Ah, but that camera though! Just love the filters; I can totally hide behind my freckles and spots. #blessed #nomakeupselfie #Iwokeuplikethis

 

Good people, am I at least starting to sound completely pathetic AF? If no then I guess you can cash me outside. If yes, then I’ll stop it. I’ll just stop it right here because bae don’t like when I talk like this.

 

ENOUGH – I am an educated human being and I vow to show my intelligence whilst posting anything on the Internet. I will no longer be lured into the world of the uneducated and write as though I do not come from this universe. I vow to never use Acronyms or Social Media slang. It is pretentious and shows insecurities.

 

Kthanxbye

 

Okay, that was the last one – I had to. #guilty

 

xoxo

Proud mommy for the win.

The busy excuse would have been the total truth when it came to teaching Kristen how to ride her new bike minus the training wheels. I have put it off for 8 days now and considering we moved house two weeks ago and I have a full-time job and just finished with her party planning as well as the actual party I could have totally owned the excuse. 

But, I put my big girl panties on this afternoon and decided to bite the bullet. Now, you see, most parents are totally capable of teaching their kids to ride. I guess you could even call it fun. However, with me, unfortunately, this is one of those tasks that involve patience and a whole lot of it. This particular character trait, I lack in a way like no other. 

The feeling that I have right now while I type this, is pride. She did it,  and she did it properly.  Even without my help towards the end. I didn’t need patience, I just needed the “desire” to do this with her and that was more than enough – and I really did want to be the one to teach her to ride her bike for the first time. 

Call it silly or whatever, but maybe there is hope, maybe I can learn this skill they call patience – let’s pray I do. For my sake and everyone else’s. 

My little Ferrari

Would there not be something wrong if I wasn’t slightly biased?

I mean, the creature did come from my womb. It is my duty to protect and defend.

When another person tells me that my child has learning disabilities, of course, my guard goes sky high immediately and I jump up and down in her defense. But, lately, my jumping has begun to drop lower and lower and gradually moved to a standing position which includes nodding at various points in the conversation ( in this particular case, obvi ). The realization has hit and the only way I can help her to improve is to notice the *problem* and work on it, with her. 

You see, I have been subconsciously avoiding the obvious for so long – and hiding from the so-called truth. And for what reason? Because society tells us we need to be good in every subject and achieve 80% or higher. Or we will fail as human beings. And yes, of course, every parent wants the best for their children. But, is this really what is best for your child? Yes, good grades help, but not when you are drowning in your school work at seven years old and struggling to concentrate for more than thirty seconds. My biggest fear right now is that she is growing despondent at a fast rate. 

Let’s face it Kristen is probably not going to be a mathematician or a scientist and that’s okay. It really is.  However, at this point, the teachers aren’t quite getting it and this proves to be incredibly frustrating and completely draining at times. I mean, I don’t even get it at the best of times. But we persevere, hour by hour.

Last month, after receiving Kristen’s report I knew I could no longer fight the growing snow ball. It was now time to roll with it and I needed a professionals opinion so that we could make some changes and more than anything, I could learn how to deal with and understand my daughter – let me tell you, this has been a bumpy road – but the truth is, no one is at fault. 

The Doctor came back with the results I could have given you four years ago. She was diagnosed A.D.D. Big whip right? Every kid on the block is A.D.D or A.D.H.D nowadays. 

But, Kristen really is struggling daily. I can pick it up from a mile away, especially being a part of this statistic too. Concentration is almost non-existent which makes learning and functioning difficult for her. Even more so because she is a bright child. I can just imagine how frustrating it must be for her brain to receive information but not quite connect the dots. And, unfortunately, if I don’t do anything about this soon, she is going to struggle in her fundamental years as a child as well as throughout her schooling career and so forth. 

The recommendations from the Doctor was to look at medication, eye testing, speech therapy and/or possibly a remedial school as well as keeping her back a year. To say my current emotional state is stretched to capacity would be a complete understatement. The stress levels have sky rocketed and this journey has been an emotional rollercoaster but I have decided to take it all one step at a time. Phase one – results – phase two – results etc. At this point, that is all I can manage. And, I think that’s okay too.

I watched a video recently on how A.D.H.D should be explained to children – this totally inspired me. The Doctor explained that A.D.H.D is the most wonderful thing to have. You have a Ferrari in your brain, a fast and gorgeous Ferrari and this means that you can be a champion! How fantastic is that? I mean, who wouldn’t want a Ferrari for brains? The only problem is, is that the brakes you happen to have are for bicycle and this means slowing down can be a little problematic. You can’t slow down when you need to or stop when you need to, but if you work on it, you can learn how to use your brakes and strengthen them. Which in turn will make the outcome absolutely brilliant!

And let me tell you, Kristen is brilliant, in her own way. She really is. Her art work is on top form. She is fantastic at drama and dancing. I can stand and stare at my daughter in awe, watching her dance across the room with elegance and pride. Her confidence is so high she has the biggest heart. Kristen is a good person with good values and at the end of the day, isn’t that what we want for our children? I somehow learn from her every single day and this in itself makes it all worth it. 

What I am trying to say is, through the ups and downs, I am going to hold her little hand throughout this journey and we are going to make her the best bloody creative the world has ever seen. Because if the world didn’t have any Kristen’s, it would be a morbidly dull place. 

Eish baba

 

As mentioned before, sometimes I get to write copy for our company. I enjoy my sense of humour, I hope you do too.

 

Order, order! It’s time to reshuffle our cabinet Dawpro style.

 

Dawpro Media will be appealing previous and outdated means of advertising. If you want to save money and obtain more clients, you will need to jump off the HeliGupta and let Dawpro Media take you viral. Let us show(reel) you how.

 

Short left to the point. Forming an alliance with Dawpro Media will guarantee you no late night dismissals in the industry from the ANC (Advertising National Corporation). We will also commit to keeping your clients alert and watching you like hawks.

 

This means you will need to take a pledge against keeping a small client base and commit to Video Production, Animation, and Virtual Reality, taking a vow to incorporate Section 36 of Online Content Creation and Live Streaming into your business model. This will warrant a successful journey in the industry and keep your competitors at a far distance. We at Dawpro Media pledge to expand your client list and grow your company into a reputable and profitable establishment, using all media platforms.

 

Listen now, listen properly, you have a deadline to move forward, consisting of six and twenty, four and thirty hundred hours until the release date. No extensions shall be permitted, no matter whom you claim to be.

 

Your application to commence with Dawpro Media has been granted.

 

Have a look at Dawpro Media and Dawpro Digital Agency for some banging video production and off that charts mobile apps!

 

Choices

I am sure that if you have read more than one of my articles you would have realized that I am a young mom and by that I mean, I am a twenty-five-year-old child with a daughter that is about to turn eight. Holy shit, right?

How old was I when I gave birth? Seventeen. Judgment is so over-rated at this point. Most kids have barely reached puberty at that age. Gosh, I am sure I am still limbering in the adolescence zone, wait, is that possible? Does anybody know the term for post-puberty and pre-menopause?

I have had so many people question my choice. I have been asked to answer what I would have done if it had been my daughter that fell pregnant. Tell me something, how can you give an honest answer unless you are in that exact situation, just with roles reversed? The answer is, you can’t.

How did I do it? Hard work, plenty kisses and cuddles and extreme patience (not yet entirely mastered). The biggest, most important thing a child needs is your love. Period. And, at seventeen, I had copious amounts to give and I have yet to run out.

I have probably learned about 1% of what there is to know about being a mom; and a dad for that matter. Wait, that’s a complete exaggeration. Let’s forget the numbers for now. I am learning every day. I am tested every day. But this is the journey I chose for myself and I am totally content to be walking it with her.

Would this trend as a weekly recommendation on Twitter – highly unlikely. Is this a smart idea? The answer would definitely vary from person to person, obviously. I am personally pro-choice and that is where I choose to leave you today.

What race am I?

Have you ever gone through an application to apply for a bond, bank account or clothing account? I spotted something totally ridiculous on the personal question side. It’s nothing new, but it just hit home so I thought I would share.

The form obviously asks you for your name, ID number, gender etc. Have you consciously noticed it also asks you to write down your race? Is that a trick question? My race? Uh, how many races are there on planet earth? Call me blonde or whatever but as far as I know, there is only one. So I am going to show you what to do going forward and how to answer that question, the right way.

 

Name: Kimberley Craul

Birthday: 30 January

Gender: Female

Race: Human

Sometimes I get to write copy for the Office

Now and again, the company I work for, Dawpro Digital Agency, allow me to write copy. Here is the thing, I am not a qualified copywriter but I love getting creative through words. Here is one of my Google Adwords Adverts – Let me know what you think?

 

O clients, clients wherefore art thou clients?

The wheel is come full circle: I am here. Some fall by print, we rise by digital. Swear not by thy old, but swear by thy new.

But thy eternal digital shall not fade, nor lose possession of thy market. It shall shine and grow to dominate for all the days to come.

Still stuck in the 2000’s? Fear not, as your savior in digital armor has come to the rescue!

See more at – Digital Marketing South Africa 

Recipes that just work

As I am sitting here at my desk I am thinking about how bizarre the world works. We make friends with those we work together with – they become our family. I can bluntly say that there is no way in hell we would be friends if it weren’t for our obligation to sit together for eight hours a day. I mean, let’s look at this recipe quickly – add a techy with an outspoken sales rep to a large and colorful bowl. That already screams “help” – from the tech guys side of course. Now let’s add to that mix, we have white people, black people even yellow people too, young humans, old humans and some that we are not even quite certain about. Chuck in a straight crowd and then sift through gently, the fabulous beings. While blending the mixture lets throw in an accountant and add two scoops of introverted humans. This recipe happens to be half kosher too, and did I mention totally delicious? Sometimes, a bunch of random beings strewn in together just works out perfectly.